Breaking: Greece Gets Bailout Funds Amidst Stunning New Earth-Like Planet Discovery by its Space Agency

    [L-R] Greek government coalition partner and space explorer Panos Kamenos and Greek Minister of Digital Policy Nikos Pappas
    Only a few months after its establishment, Greece’s Space program has paid off, as Greek scientists announced the discovery of a new Earth-like planet near Mars. As a result, “Greece will receive a vital 12 billion euro tranche by its lenders on Monday,” a high-ranking EU official told Greek Reporter.  “They feel very confident now,” he said.

    According to the Greek space experts who made the unexpected announcement of the discovery at a Saturday morning press conference, the new planet – surprisingly unknown to NASA and other space agencies – seems to have an atmosphere similar to ours as initial findings indicate the existence of water and habitable conditions.

    Greece’s Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras addressed the nation on Greek national broadcaster ERT after the conference from the Maximos mansion in Athens stating that he is very proud of what Greece has achieved. “At a time when Europe, Turkey and the International Monetary Fund fight Greece in an uneven war, the spirited people of this country made a discovery that would change world history and help future generations.”

    “At a time when the powers of neoliberalism try to enslave Greece with memoranda and austerity, this government showed the world that with solidarity and the spirit of justice and democracy, people can achieve what until today seemed impossible,” Tsipras said.

    The prime minister praised Minister of Digital Policy Nikos Pappas who masterminded and established the Greek Space Agency and was overseeing the program throughout. Pappas has a long history of accomplishments in Greek public life since he is also the man known in Greece as the minister who put the Greek media sector in order after many years of corruption.

    The Greek Prime Minister insisted that it is only fair that the new planet should be named “Pappas 1” after the man who pursued the daring enterprise. “We put the number one next to it cause he might find more,” the Prime minister jokingly said.

    Syriza members are already looking forward to their first days in space after the end of their government term in Greece.

    Nikos Pappas did not refer to his accomplishments but talked about the head expert of his team and government coalition partner Panos Kamenos who spent countless hours working on the project. “I cannot accept the honor of just naming the planet after me, we have to include Panos Kamenos’ name as well,” noted the minister who finally named the new planet Kamenos Pappas 1.

    The new planet will become part of Greece’s bailout program and it will eventually allow Greece to slowly end austerity.

    “The opposition was against us when we founded the Greek space agency, but this space program might be what will save the Greeks,” said Pappas. “We are expecting the international community to make offers for the privatization of Pappas 1.

    It is worth mentioning that the clever move by the Greek Prime minister to name the planet Pappas 1 after the legendary Minister has increased the planet’s value significantly.

    Finally, Syriza MP Gerasimos Balaouras said that it is no coincidence that the new planet was discovered by a leftist government in 2017, exactly 100 years from the great Bolshevic Revolution. He also mentioned that a great Soviet Russian and great communist, Yuri Gagarin, was the first man to orbit the moon and conquer outer space. Happy April 1st!