The ten wittiest answers given over time by popular representatives of art and public life were recently hosted in British newspaper “The Independent.” At the top, one can find the Spartans’ reaction after they were threatened by Philip of Macedonia.
Sparta Vs. King Philip of Macedon
King Philip II of Macedon: If I win this war, you will be slaves forever.
Spartans: If …
Dorothy Parker (American poet) Vs. A Drunk Person
Drunk person: I simply can not bear fools.
Dorothy Parker: Apparently, your mother did not have the same difficulty.
Stephen Hawking (British theoretical physicist, cosmologist) Vs. John Oliver (English comedian)
Oliver: You’ve stated that you believe that there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean that there is universe out there where I am smarter than you?
Hawking: And also a universe where you’re funny.
Mahatma Gandhi (Indian politician, thinker and revolutionary activist) Vs. A Reporter
Reporter: What do you think of Western civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a very good idea.
John Wilkes (English radical, journalist and politician) Vs. John Montagu (British statesman)
Montagu: Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox.
Wilkes: That will depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
Abraham Lincoln (16th US President) Vs. Stephen Douglas (American politician)
US President Abraham Lincoln is accused by Democrat Stephen Douglas that he had two faces.
Lincoln: If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?
Winston Churchill (British politician) Vs. George Bernard Shaw (Irish playwright)
Shaw: Have reserved two tickets for opening night. Come and bring a friend, if you have one.
Churchill: Impossible to come to first night. Will come to second night, if you have one.
Edna Ferber (American novelist) Vs. Noel Coward (English playwright)
Coward: Edna, you look almost like a man.
Ferber: So do you.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Austrian composer of the Classical era) Vs. An Admirer
Admirer: Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any suggestions as to how to get started?
Mozart: A symphony is a very complex musical form. Perhaps you should begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.
Admirer: But, Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8 years old!
Mozart: Yes, but I never asked anybody how.
Groucho Marx (American comedian and film/television star) Vs. A Contestant
A woman with several children makes a guest appearance as a contestant on Groucho Marx’s quiz show “You Bet Your Life.”
Woman: “I have 10 children, Groucho.”
Groucho: “You have 10 children? Why do you have so many kids?”
Woman: “Because I love my husband.”
Groucho: “I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while.”